Accounts of a traveler

Oswald Chambers

2011-06-01T17:31:00.000-07:00

I started reading the complete works of Oswald Chambers, and I'm blown away by this man's wisdom. I don't want to forget what I learned from his first book: Approved by God so I'm gonna jot some notes /quotes down for future reference:

A Christian worker must never make this plea-"if only I were somewhere else" The only test that the worker is Christ's witness is that he never becomes mean from contact with mean people any more than he becomes sinful with contact with sinful people. (Mean refers to ordinary, common or low)

The worker chosen by God has to believe what God wishes him to believe, though it cost agony in the process; the worker who chooses to work for God may believe what he likes. It is the latter class who exploit the Bible.
pg 3

Of our own strength and Gods:
When I say I am too weak it means I am too strong; and when ever I say "I can't" it means "I won't"...
It is His work in my He is counting worthy, not my work for Him.
The overcoming referred to in the book of Revelation is not the personal overcoming of difficulties but the overcoming of the very life of God in us while we stand resolutely true to Him.
pg4
Religiosity
Beware of the piety that is not stamped by the life of god, but by the type of religious experience. Be absolutely and fiercely godly in your life, but never be pious. A "pi" person does not take God seriously, he only takes himself seriously, and one tremendous worship of his life is his experience.pg5

The Christian worker must be sent; he must not elect to go. Nowadays that is the last thing thought of; it is a determination on the part of the individual-"This is something I can do, and I am going to do it." Beware of demanding that people go into work, it is a craze; the majority of saved souls are not fit to feed themselves yet...The only way to be sent is to let God lift us right out of any sense of fitness in ourselves and place us where He will. The man whose work tells for God is the one who not only realizes what God has done for him but who realizes his own utter unfitness and overwhelming unsuitability-the impossibility of God ever calling me...Before God can use us as workers He has to bring us to a place of entire poverty, where we shall have no doubt as to where we are, "here I am, absolutely no good!" Then God can send us, but not until then. We put hinderances in the way of God's working by trying to do things for Him. The impatience of modern life has so crept into Christian work that we will not settle down before God and find out what He wants us to do. pg 8,9

Abandon
Abandon to the love of Christ is the only thing that bears fruit. Personal holiness my easily step over into sanctified Pharisaism, but abandon to the love of God will always leave the impression of the holiness and the power of God. pg 10
Is He going to help Himself to your life, or are you taken up with your conception of what you are going to do? God is responsible for our lives, and the one great keynote is reckless reliance upon Him.

The Cost of Discipleship
The Cross is the pain involved in doing the will of God.
Our cross is something that comes with the particular relationship of a disciple of Jesus Christ, it is the evidence that we have denied the right to ourselves. pg 16
Paul did not understand the Cross in order that he might receive the life of God; but by understanding the Cross, he recieved the life. Study the Cross for no other sake than God's sake, and you will be holy without knowing it. pg18

Never allow in yourself of in others the phrase "I can't"; it is unconscious blasphemy...Every element of self-reliance must be slain by the power of God. The people who say "I can't" are those who have a remnant of self-reliance left; a true saint never says "I can't", because it never occurs to him that he can!
pg19

The Complete Works of Oswald Chambers: (Includes CD-Rom) (OSWALD CHAMBERS LIBRARY)

Prayer Answered by Crosses

2011-05-23T20:24:00.000-07:00

I read this poem the other day and felt like I could completely relate to the poet. I often ask God to make me holy or pray for deliverance of this or that sin, and find that my situation gets worse not better. I realize now that God doesn't work in the way that we expect him to work. If we are to live we must first die and if we are to be first, we must be last.

I asked the Lord that I might grow
In faith and love and every grace,
Might more of his salvation know,
And seek more earnestly his face.

'Twas he who taught me thus to pray;
And he, I trust, has answered prayer:
But it has been in such a way
As almost drove me to despair.

I hoped that, in some favoured hour,
At once he'd answer my request,
And by his love's constraining power
Subdue my sins, and give me rest.

Instead of this, he made me feel
The hidden evils of my heart,
And let the angry powers of hell
Assault my soul in every part.

yea, more, with his own hand he seemed
Intent to aggravate my woe,
Crossed all the fair designs I schemed,
Blasted my gourds, and laid me low.

Lord, why is this? I trembling cried;
Wilt thou pursue this worm to death?
This is the way, the Lord replied
I answer prayer for grace and faith.

These inward trials I now employ
From self and pride to set thee free,
And break they schemes of earthly joy,
That thou may'st seek thy all in me.

"Prayer Answered by Crosses"
-John Newton

Poem on Suffering

2011-05-19T22:04:00.000-07:00

I'm reading this amazing poetry book I purchased at an old bookshop in England written in 1910, and I came across a poem that fits with the theme I've been meditating on recently, that is, suffering.

Pain's Proof

I think man's great capacity for pain
Proves his immortal birthright. I am sure
No merely human mind could bear the strain
Of some tremendous sorrows we endure.

Art's most ingenious breastworks fall at length,
Beat by the mighty billows of the sea;
Only the God-formed shores possess the strength
To stand before their onslaughts, and not flee.

The structure that we build with careful toil,
The tempest lays in ruins in an hour;
While some grand tree that springs forth from the soil
Is bended but not broken by its power.

Unless our souls had root in soil divine
We could not bear earth's overwhelming strife.
The fiercest pain that racks this heart of mine,
convinces me of everlasting life.
Poems of Pleasure

Made perfect through suffering

2011-05-16T17:05:00.000-07:00

"In bringing many sons to glory, it was fitting that God, for whom and through whom everything exists, should make the author of their salvation perfect through suffering. Both the one who makes men holy and those who are made holy are of the same family. So that Jesus is not ashamed to call them brothers."Heb 2:10,11

I read this today and was struck by the idea that Jesus had to suffer to be made perfect. Jesus was God and therefore he was perfect, but I think that this suffering was to prove Jesus' faithfulness and obedience to the father. If Jesus was made perfect through suffering, how much more must we suffer.

"I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead." Phil 3:10

The flower of adversity

2011-05-15T19:37:00.000-07:00

I've been learning a lot about adversity, with Oswald Chambers as my coach. I'm beginning to see the usefulness of adversity, it is a diamond in the rough. I wouldn't really say this in the middle of it, but looking back and seeing the fruit of adversity, I'm beginning to see why God uses adversity in the lives of his Children to train them toward holiness. Here's something I read the other day in My Upmost for His Highest:

-The Habit of Enjoying Adversity

. . . that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body —2 Corinthians 4:10

We have to develop godly habits to express what God’s grace has done in us. It is not just a question of being saved from hell, but of being saved so that “the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body.” And it is adversity that makes us exhibit His life in our mortal flesh. Is my life exhibiting the essence of the sweetness of the Son of God, or just the basic irritation of “myself” that I would have apart from Him? The only thing that will enable me to enjoy adversity is the acute sense of eagerness of allowing the life of the Son of God to evidence itself in me. No matter how difficult something may be, I must say, “Lord, I am delighted to obey You in this.” Instantly, the Son of God will move to the forefront of my life, and will manifest in my body that which glorifies Him.

You must not debate. The moment you obey the light of God, His Son shines through you in that very adversity; but if you debate with God, you grieve His Spirit (see Ephesians 4:30). You must keep yourself in the proper condition to allow the life of the Son of God to be manifested in you, and you cannot keep yourself fit if you give way to self-pity. Our circumstances are the means God uses to exhibit just how wonderfully perfect and extraordinarily pure His Son is. Discovering a new way of manifesting the Son of God should make our heart beat with renewed excitement. It is one thing to choose adversity, and quite another to enter into adversity through the orchestrating of our circumstances by God’s sovereignty. And if God puts you into adversity, He is adequately sufficient to “supply all your need” (Philippians 4:19).

Keep your soul properly conditioned to manifest the life of the Son of God. Never live on your memories of past experiences, but let the Word of God always be living and active in you. -

This stings as much as it heals my heart, because I know I don't live up to it, but it also gives me hope. This morning the Pastor spoke about transforming the mind by the mercies of God. That when we meditate on the mercies of God, we begin to demonstrate the same mercies to those around us. In this way, the glory of God will shine in the world, when they see God's mercy through us. But to do this we need to trust God and keep thinking about what He did for us. I think that's why today's reading resonated so strongly with me:

The Habit of Rising to The Occasion

. . . that you may know what is the hope of His calling . . . —Ephesians 1:18

Remember that you have been saved so that the life of Jesus may be manifested in your body (see 2 Corinthians 4:10). Direct the total energy of your powers so that you may achieve everything your election as a child of God provides; rise every time to whatever occasion may come your way.

You did not do anything to achieve your salvation, but you must do something to exhibit it. You must “work out your own salvation” which God has worked in you already (Philippians 2:12). Are your speech, your thinking, and your emotions evidence that you are working it “out”? If you are still the same miserable, grouchy person, set on having your own way, then it is a lie to say that God has saved and sanctified you.

God is the Master Designer, and He allows adversities into your life to see if you can jump over them properly—”By my God I can leap over a wall” (Psalm 18:29). God will never shield you from the requirements of being His son or daughter. First Peter 4:12 says, “Beloved, do not think it strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened to you . . . .” Rise to the occasion—do what the trial demands of you. It does not matter how much it hurts as long as it gives God the opportunity to manifest the life of Jesus in your body.

May God not find complaints in us anymore, but spiritual vitality—a readiness to face anything He brings our way. The only proper goal of life is that we manifest the Son of God; and when this occurs, all of our dictating of our demands to God disappears. Our Lord never dictated demands to His Father, and neither are we to make demands on God. We are here to submit to His will so that He may work through us what He wants. Once we realize this, He will make us broken bread and poured-out wine with which to feed and nourish others.

My Utmost for His Highest

Do not look back

2010-11-24T21:00:00.000-08:00

I love putting in things I've read that have been an encouragement to me and spoken exactly what i needed to hear. This is from Come Away my Beloved by Frances J. Roberts

Behold, I have made you a nest in the hollow of My hand,

and you shall lie down and sleep.

Though the elements rage,

thought the winds blow and the floods come,

you shall rest in peace.

For you are precious in My sight, O My child.

I know you by name, for you are not the child of a stranger,

but the fruit of My own loins. Yes, I have begotten you,

I have called you by your name, and you are Mine.

Be not dismayed, for as I suffered,

so shall you suffer in the world.

I have not taken you out of the world,

but I am with you to help you and to encourage you, and to

give you strength in all you may be called upon to endure.

You face each new day with Me at your side.

(Never forget that I am there.)

You meet every difficult circumstance

with My arm outstretched to fight for you.

Do not lift your hand to attempt to accomplish any slightest

task in your own strength. THis I have forbidden.

God helps not those who help themselves,

but He is the champion of those who cannot help themselves,

and of those who are wise enough not to try.

It is not your cooperation for which I have asked,

but your submission.

Not that you go alone until you fall,

but that you draw upon My strength for every step-

both the smooth and the rough.

If you form the habit of trusting Me in the easy way,

you will find it the natural thing to lean upon Me

in the difficult situation.

And if I bring you through the river in summer,

you shall not fear to trust Me in flood tie.

So clasp you hand in Mine, and do not loosen you hold.

For you cannot tell what great thing I may do for you

through some small happening.

Your every hair is numbered,

and the most incidental occurrences of the most ordinary day

I delight to choose and use to reveal

My earnestness in helping you.

Clasp Me to your heart, for I love you with an everlasting love,

and with strong cords I have bound you.

Look not back, but look ahead,

for I have glory prepared for you.

Yes, when you look on my face

you will surely say that these present sufferings

are in no way comparable

to the glory I have in store for you.

Come Away My Beloved - original Edition

Moses con't

2010-09-01T19:29:00.000-07:00

Last entry we left of with Moses' doubts and fears and God's sovereignty. I love this next part because just when you think you're beginning to figure God out, he throws you a curveball. It's probably one of the more puzzling accounts in scripture. After God approaches Moses and goes through all the trouble to assure him that He is in control, that He will be with Moses, the next thing we read is that God tries to kill Moses. Hahaha, I love it! Ex 4:24-26. I think this was put down in God's word for all the people who try and put God in a box and say, "God could not possibly do that". God is full of surprises. We should not be quick to predict what he will or will not do, we cannot assume we know God by what we hear about him, we are always at his mercy. We cannot discount his justice on account of His love. My understanding of this incident is that God tried to kill Moses to demonstrate his holiness-he will not tolerate a light attitude towards his ordinances and will. Moses also had to live to a higher standard because he was chosen by God to be a leader of his people, his mouthpiece, there is a need for him to be set wholly apart. What I wonder at is why Moses hadn't circumcised his son after he was born as he was suppose to. I'm guessing it had something to do with him being in a different land, separated from his people and his God. Circumcision, being a symbol of God's covenant with his people, wasn't really necessary if it felt like God wasn't there and that Moses was no longer with God's people. That's as far as I'm going to assume on this point, but it goes to show, there is so much to be learned even from two verses.

A study on the life of Moses- God's sovereignty

2010-08-31T09:02:00.000-07:00

I decided I was going to study the life of Moses and put down what I learn here for future reference. I chose Moses because God has often spoken things from his life that have encouraged me and helped me grow.

Ex 2

Moses literally means "is born" and was named so because he was drawn out of water.

Born out of the house of Levi (Priests unto God)

Moses was born under hostile circumstances, where everything around him worked against him. According to the law at the time, he should have died, but because God had a plan, he survived. Even though this is so simple it is so powerful. We often get discouraged by our circumstances and forget that God has a plan and is in control.

Moses' Exile vs 11-25

Moses felt an affinity to his people and held a sense of justice

After fleeing Egypt, he met Reuel's daughters at the well, and demonstrated his kindness and justice by defending the week (already we see a leader and Judge in the making)

He lived in Mideon, married Ziphorah, Reuel's daughter.

Reuel means "friend of God", he was a descendent of Abraham through Keturah and a priest of Midian. I can't help wondering, with a name like that, if Reuel (or Jethro, as he's more commonly known), knew the one true God.

The Burning Bush ch3

Moses was now a shepherd working for his father-in-law, and God appears to him through a flame of fire (the revelation of God and his will was often accompanied by fire: Ex. 13:21, 19:18; Gen 15:17; Deut 4:24; Heb 12:29; 2 King 2:11; Acts 2:3)

After God introduces himself as the God of his forefathers and explains his concern for his people and desire to bring them out of slavery, he appoints Moses to return to Egypt and lead them out.

It's so important to note here that this is God's plan, he is the true leader and rescuer, he said, "I have come to rescue them from the hand of the Egyptians". It was God's plan, his initiative, his desire, his purpose and dream, he was allowing Moses to be a part of it. This has so many implications for our lives, especially in ministry. I see so many leaders and ministries moving in their own direction, according to their own decisions and choices, they are their own leaders. But a leader is not really the true leader when it comes to God's work, God is the true leader, he pulls the shots, he makes the decisions, he delegates and appoints, we have to learn to walk humbly with our God so we don't miss what he's doing. I think this was why God did not want to appoint a king for his people, because he was their leader, and he wanted it to stay that way.

Even though this was a great honor, Moses was overcome with fear, and he laid out excuse over excuse. God was patient and responded to each one of his concerns.

Excuse 1: His sense of inadequacy left him helpless and paralysed

response: God reassures him that he is not alone, God will be with him, he gives him a sign of confirmation but it will only come after the task is complete

Excuse 2: His and Israel's doubt that this command really is from God and not an impostor or the product of imagination

Response: God declares his identity: "I Am" he calls himself (Everlasting, unchanging, all powerful God)

*Insights into God's sovereignty: He tells Moses what to do, but he knows pharaohs hear and what he will do. He knows that unless a mighty hand compels him, he will not let the Israelites go, so he has a plan to send the plagues so that pharaoh will let his people go. God has the power to make the Egyptians favorably disposed towards his people-talk about sovereignty!

God not only provides the means for escape, but everything they need for the journey.

Excuse 3: Moses fears the rejection of the people

Response: God provides him with signs that will show his credibility

Moses gives excuse after excuse, but God comes back at him with a declaration of his power and sovereignty, he will teach Moses what to say and do, and be with him through it all.

When Moses realizes he can't get by with excuses, he gets to the point, he doesn't want to go, at which point God gets mad. After all the reassurance God have Moses he is still afraid.

But as much as Moses didn't want to do it, God saw to it that he would, God is sovereign.

I guess the conclusion on Moses' life so far is that God is sovereign, he is not soft but firm in his will. Thank God for that, otherwise, left to our own will, we'd all be destroyed.

Career profile

2010-08-01T20:18:00.000-07:00

So I'm trying to decide what direction my life will take henceforth, so I googled "Best career choices for an INFP", because according to Myers briggs my personality is INFP. I came across this site that basically laid out who I am better than anyone who knows me can. I'm going to cut and past it here:

Your career will be more important to you “just a job”, you will need to be doing something meaningful that suits your strong value systems. The INFP will be most happy in a career that has a direct or indirect goal of achieving something positive for all of humanity. You are highly focused on making the world a better place, and also for attaining the meaning of life. As an idealist and perfectionist you work hard on your quest for achieving the goals you have set yourself.

You are intuitive about people and also rely on your intuitions to guide you through life and search for value and meaning.

You hate conflict and take lengths to avoid it. If it must be faced, it is approached with the perspectives of other’s feelings in mind. Thus you don’t really care who is right or wrong, but only how the conflict makes you feel. Other’s may see this as irrational behaviour during conflict situations. On the other hand, as an INFP you can make a very good mediator, and good at solving other’s conflicts because you intuitively understand each person’s feelings and perspectives and truly wish to help them.

You are easy going and flexible until someone breaks you of your values, to which you can aggressively defend, and fight for a just cause. Because of your high standards you can be hard on yourself, and even others in group or team situations because your ideals are higher. This can create problem of control, which may need to be a addressed in order to live in balance.

Possible Career Paths for the INFP:
• Writers
• Musicians
• Consultants
• Fine art teachers
• English teachers
• Editors
• Education consultants
• Journalists
• Social scientists
• Counselors and Social Workers
• Teacher or Professor
• Psychiatrists and psychologists
• Religious Workers
• Television Reporter
• Systems Analyst, Computer specialist/programmer
• Scientist
• Writer or Journalist
• Engineer

(bold and italics mine-for obvious reasons)

http://www.career-test.co.uk/INFP.html

Haha, this makes me laugh-I always said I didn't want to be put in a box, but this sums me up pretty well.

2010-07-27T20:58:00.000-07:00

This is something I read a few days ago from Tozer's, The Pursuit of Man. I've been trying to understand and digest it as best I could and want to leave it here for whoever might read to do the same.

In my creature impatience I am often caused to wish that there were some way to bring modern Christians into a deeper spiritual life painlessly by short, easy lessons; but such wishes are vain. No shortcut exists. God has not bowed to our nervous haste nor embraced the methods of our machine age. It is well that we accept the hard truth now: The man who would know God must give time to Him. He must count no time wasted which is spent in the cultivation of His acquaintance. He must give himself to meditation and prayer hours on end. So did the saints of old, the glorious company of the apostles, the goodly fellowship of the prophets and the believing members of the holy church in all generations. And so must we if we would follow in their train. We would think of God, then, as maintaining the unity of His uncreated being throughout all His works and His years, as ever saying not only, "I did," and "I will do," but also "I do" and "I am doing." A robust faith requires that we grasp this truth firmly, yet we know how seldom such a thought enters our minds. We habitually stand in our now and look back by faith to see the past filled with God. We look forward and see Him inhabiting our future; but our now is uninhabited except for ourselves. Thus we are guilty of a kind of temporary atheism which leaves us alone in the universe while, for the time, God is not. We talk to Him much and loudly, but we secretly think of Him as being absent, and we think of ourselves as inhabiting a parenthetic interval between the God who was and the God who will be. And we are lonely with an ancient and cosmic loneliness. We are each like a little child lost in a crowded market, who has strayed but a few feet from its mother, yet because she cannot be seen the child is inconsolable. So we try by every method devised by religion to relieve our fears and heal our hidden sadness; but with all our efforts we remain unhappy still, with the settled despair of men alone in a vast and deserted universe. But for all our fears we are not alone. Our trouble is that we think of ourselves as being alone. Let us correct the error by thinking of ourselves as standing by the bank of a full flowing river; then let us think of that river as being none else than God Himself. We glance to our left and see the river coming full out of our past; we look to the right and see it lowing on into our future. But we see also that it is flowing through our present. And in our today it is the same as it was in our yesterday, not less than, nor different from, but the very same river, on unbroken continuum, undiminished, active and strong as it moves sovereignly on into our tomorrow. Whenever faith has been original, whatever it has proved itself to be real, it has invariably had upon it a sense of the present God. The holy scriptures possess in marked degree this feeling of actual encounter with a real Person... Our fathers have told us and our own hearts confirm how wonderful is this sense of someone there. It makes religion invulnerable to critical attack. It secures the mind against collapse under the battering of the enemy. They who worship the God who is present may ignore the objections of unbelieving men. Their experience is self-verifying and needs neither defense nor proof. What they see and hear overwhelms their doubts and confirms their assurance beyond the power of argument to destroy. Some who desire to be teachers of the world, but who understand neither what they say, nor whereof they affirm, insist upon "naked" faith as the only way to know spiritual things. By this they mean a conviction of the trustworthiness of the Word of God (a conviction, it may be noted, which the devils share with them). But the man who has been taught even sightly by the Spirit of Truth will rebel at this perversion. His language will be, "I have heard him and observed him. What have i to do any more with idols?" For he cannot love a God who is no more than a deduction from a text. He will crave to know God with a vital awareness that goes beyond words and to live in the intimacy of personal communion. To seek our divinity merely in books and writings is to seek the living among the dead; we do but in vain many times seek God in these, where His truth too often is not so much enshrined as entombed, He is best discerned by an intellectual touch of Him. We must see with our eyes, and hear with our ears, and our hands must handle of the Word of live. Nothing can take the place of the touch of God in the soul and the sense of Someone there. Real faith, indeed, brings such realization, for real faith is never the operation of reason upon texts. Where true faith is, the knowledge of God will be given as a fact of consciousness altogether apart from the conclusions of logic.

God's Pursuit of Man

Shakespeare sonnet 116

2010-07-23T11:14:00.001-07:00

I love this sonnet, it gives me chills every time I hear/read it.

Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

The Message-a new discovery.

2010-07-23T10:42:00.000-07:00

I've been reading through the Message bible in order to get a fresh perspective on the word of God and I constantly come across ideas that blow my mind (even though they were there the whole time). Here are some of the things I highlighted in the process:

From Romans 12:

fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out...

Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you...

The only accurate way to understand ourselves is by what God is and by what he does for us, not by what we are and what we do for him...

let's just go ahead and be what we were made to be, without enviously or pridefully comparing ourselves with each other, or trying to be something we aren't...

be careful that you don't get bossy...don't manipulate..don't let yourself get irritated by them or depressed by them. keep a smile on your face...

Love from the centre of who you are; don't fake it...Be good friends and love deeply...discover beauty in everyone...Don't let evil get the best of you; get the best of evil by doing good.

Desire and Obedience

2010-06-22T19:39:00.000-07:00

I've often wondered what is meant when people talk about God helping them to do this or that in their life. You hear it often in a testimony, even my own, that before I really knew God I would try so hard to love and then after God gave me the strength to do so. I didn't really get what this meant until I came across something in Transforming Grace by Jerry Bridges, the other day. He says that according to scripture, the Holy spirit is very much involved in our sanctification; It is in this verse, which I've known for so long but didn't realize it's implications, that the answer lies: "continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose." (Phil 2:13,14). I realized, when I read this, that it is by desire that we are moved to obedience. What is the greatest motivation towards any action? Is it not desire? I realized here that the Holy Spirit gives us a desire to do what is holy and good. Not only that, but God said, "I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws.: (Ez.36:26-27) It says that the Spirit moves us to obedience. Without this moving of the spirit we have no hope because God looks to the motivation of the heart first.

Random, or not so random thoughts

2010-06-20T20:30:00.000-07:00

So there's been a lot of things on my mind lately, and I've stumbled on a few things that speak into these issues, I want to record them here for future reference and in hopes that they would be a help to someone else.

Faith

The first thing is something I came across a week ago while reading Romans 4 where it talks about Abraham being the father of many people:

We call Abraham "father" not because he got God's attention by living like a saint, but because God made something out of Abraham when he was a nobody. Isn't that what we've always read in Scripture, God saying to Abraham, "I set you up as father of many peoples"? Abraham was first named "father" and then became a father because he dared to trust God to do what only God could do: raise the dead to life, with a word make something out of nothing. When everything was hopeless, Abraham believed anyway, deciding to live not on the basis of what he saw he couldn't do but on what God said he would do. And so he was made father of a multitude of peoples. God himself said to him, "You're going to have a big family, Abraham!"Abraham didn't focus on his own impotence and say, "It's hopeless. This hundred-year-old body could never father a child." Nor did he survey Sarah's decades of infertility and give up. He didn't tiptoe around God's promise asking cautiously skeptical questions. He plunged into the promise and came up strong, ready for God, sure that God would make good on what he had said. That's why it is said, "Abraham was declared fit before God by trusting God to set him right." But it's not just Abraham; it's also us! The same thing gets said about us when we embrace and believe the One who brought Jesus to life when the conditions were equally hopeless. The sacrificed Jesus made us fit for God, set us right with God.

This passage almost took my breath away. Isn't this what we face every day? The decision to trust God to come through for us or to rely on our own efforts? Earlier on in the chapter it says, "Abraham entered into what God was doing for him, and that was the turning point. He trusted God to set him right instead of trying to be right on his own." It also says that Abraham was first called "father" then became a father because he dared to trust! I really challenged me to think about whether It really trust God to come through on the promises he gave me; I feel like God is asking. "Will you hold on to that and trust me even when it seems impossible?"

Risk

The second thing I came across was from Matthew 25 from the parable of the stewards. The owner leaves three different people with different amounts of money and then returns to see how they've invested what he left them. To the last steward who didn't invest but hid the money out of fear of losing it, the owner says:

"That's a terrible way to live! It's criminal to live cautiously like that! If you knew I was after the best, why did you do less than the least? The least you could have done would have been to invest the sum with the bankers, where at least I would have gotten a little interest. Take the thousand and give it to the one who risked the most. And get rid of this "play-it-safe" who won't go out on a limb. Throw him out into utter darkness.

I won't lie, this kind of scared me when I read it, but I realized that God doesn't want us to play it safe, but to take risks, I think this is how we show that we trust Him. We can't live in fear of what might or might not happen, but get out there and give it all we've got, and trust God to do something with it.

Grace

The third thing I came across while reading the book Transforming Grace, by Jerry Bridges. The whole book is an unveiling of the heart of the gospel, that is, grace- what it is, how to live by it, and that most christians today live according to a works rather than grace centered gospel. He explains that living my grace can sometimes cause people to ask the same question Paul was faced with in his day, "If God doesn't count my sin against me should I just keep sining cause where sin increases, grace increases all the more?" His and Paul's answers are both "No". He explains that those who truly know God make every effort to abstain from sin, that the main contributors towards obedience are love and reverence for God. He goes on to describe reverence as "a sense of profound awe, respect, and devotion. It is a recognition of God's intrinsic worthiness, the infinite majesty of His being, and the infinite perfection of His character."

He continues to describe how grace motivates him to obedience,

"Because of who He is and What He is, God is infinitely worthy of my most diligent and loving obedience, even if I never receive a single blessing from His hand. The fact is, of course, I have received innumerable blessings from Him. But His worthiness is intrinsic within Himself; it is not conditioned on the number of blessings you or I receive from Him...God is worthy of my loving obedience because of who He is, not because of what He does...Our motivation to obey and serve God cannot rise to such heights until we learn to live daily by grace and to experience freedom each day from the bondage of the performance treadmill. I believe a genuine heart response to the worthiness of God is the highest possible motivation for obedience and service to God. But we cannot "break through" to that level of motivation until we are first motivated by His grace, mercy, and love. We cannot be free to think about God's worthiness and God's glory as long as we are struggling to earn our own acceptance with Him."

This is powerful truth to the church today. Sometime I sit in church and wish I could shake people, make them see that God is worthy, that is why we believe, that is why we worship and serve Him. Creation knows it, it declares His glory day and night, but his people, to whom He's given His very spirit fail to recognize His glory- Oh I wish I could really see it, I would not sin so easily. It's like that song says, "Turn your face upon Jesus, look full in his glorious face, and the things of earth will grow strangely dim, in the light of His glory and grace." C.S. Lewis says the same in The Weight of Glory,

"We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased"

It is true, we are offered so much by God, not just salvation but sonship, He saved us to rule with Him. But over and above everything, we live for His glory, we love Him and worship Him because we see that He is infinitely worthy, we cannot help ourselves. I once went to an art gallery in London and saw a painting that took my breath away, literally. It was so beautiful I couldn't speak and I couldn't take my eyes off of it. It wasn't just the colors, but it carried so much, peace and freedom (I think), anyways, God is infinitely more beautiful, the trouble is that I'm often so preoccupied with myself that I don't see it. It is the same trouble with the world, so narrow focused, so selfish, we miss the big picture, we miss the true glory. I'm praying to be able to see, to be able to live by grace not merit, to truly understand God's love.

2010-04-24T21:06:00.000-07:00

Like in spring

The trees in blossom

My heart has sprung a fruitful beauty

Through adversity and pain

Through winters born with endless strain

A treasure without price

Faith

An endless chase

The sight of your face

Is like the shooting star

With every truth I catch a glimpse

And wonder in the night

A pointing finger, a holy sight

It’s like the sea,

In morning sun it glitters

A glory unforeseen

A gentle power imparts its peace

And leaves the heart at ease

A pleasant breeze

That whispers through the trees

It lifts the heart from God knows where

And God knows how to stir it from despair

A heady lightness with clarity

It’s the sound of your voice

And now to try and write

A rhyme for how you give your heart

It’s the shooting star and gentle breeze

The glittering waters and the fruitful trees

It’s everything you’ve done and do

Your affections on me rest like dew

It’s the depths of your heart,

Revealed in endless part

By your spirit to my heart.

2010-01-02T07:37:00.000-08:00

I said I'd give you all my life
take up the cross endure the plight.
I said that all I had was yours
my love, my laughter and my sores.
I said that all I need was you
but now I face the awefull truth.
It's not as easy as I thought
to give up everything and not
live with the pain of having lost
the things that captivate my heart;
Give up my right to ease of life
to comforts, pleasures and delights;
To know that hardship will surely come
with days devoid of summer sun;
to know my body will feel pain
my heart with aches I can't explain;
my mind will fight to understand
and try to figure out a plan
to do things write and live life well
but to be true I cannot tell
what trials will come along the way
nor do I know if on that day
I'll stand or fall, but this I know,
God's grace is there and I will grow.
In spite of this my will is firm,
I set my face like flint and turn
To Jerusalem and to death
to self and all the worldly wealths.
My treasures now I count them loss
compared to kneeling at the cross.
Christs suffering will I endure
to know the power and the cure
of crusifixtion and of life
in resurection and in sight;
to understand my heavenly call
to live a life that blesses all;

to live with sorrow in my heart

for those who in their spirit rot;
to meet their needs and bind their wounds
to restore the aincient ruins
of beauty, joy and holy love,
with compassion and servanthood.
All for the kingdom, all for Christ,
My joy, my righteousness, my life.

A true fast

2009-07-29T21:56:00.000-07:00

This passage has been on my mind for a while now, I believe it is God's true heart for the church. It starts with the people complaining that God doesn't hear them, and in many ways reminds me of the church as I know it today (whether only in North America I don't know). God then explains what he really requires, not Hypocrisy or ceremony, but love, mercy and justice. May we all aspire to live it as the church of Christ!

Isaiah 58

¹ "Shout it aloud, do not hold back.
Raise your voice like a trumpet.
Declare to my people their rebellion
and to the house of Jacob their sins.

² For day after day they seek me out;
they seem eager to know my ways,
as if they were a nation that does what is right
and has not forsaken the commands of its God.
They ask me for just decisions
and seem eager for God to come near them.

³ 'Why have we fasted,' they say,
'and you have not seen it?
Why have we humbled ourselves,
and you have not noticed?'
"Yet on the day of your fasting, you do as you please
and exploit all your workers.

⁴ Your fasting ends in quarreling and strife,
and in striking each other with wicked fists.
You cannot fast as you do today
and expect your voice to be heard on high.

⁵ Is this the kind of fast I have chosen,
only a day for a man to humble himself?
Is it only for bowing one's head like a reed
and for lying on sackcloth and ashes?
Is that what you call a fast,
a day acceptable to the LORD ?

⁶ "Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen:
to loose the chains of injustice
and untie the cords of the yoke,
to set the oppressed free
and break every yoke?

⁷ Is it not to share your food with the hungry
and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter—
when you see the naked, to clothe him,
and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?

⁸ Then your light will break forth like the dawn,
and your healing will quickly appear;
then your righteousness will go before you,
and the glory of the LORD will be your rear guard.

⁹ Then you will call, and the LORD will answer;
you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I.
"If you do away with the yoke of oppression,
with the pointing finger and malicious talk,

¹⁰ and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry
and satisfy the needs of the oppressed,
then your light will rise in the darkness,
and your night will become like the noonday.

¹¹ The LORD will guide you always;
he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land
and will strengthen your frame.
You will be like a well-watered garden,
like a spring whose waters never fail.

¹² Your people will rebuild the ancient ruins
and will raise up the age-old foundations;
you will be called Repairer of Broken Walls,
Restorer of Streets with Dwellings.

¹³ "If you keep your feet from breaking the Sabbath
and from doing as you please on my holy day,
if you call the Sabbath a delight
and the LORD's holy day honorable,
and if you honor it by not going your own way
and not doing as you please or speaking idle words,

¹⁴ then you will find your joy in the LORD,
and I will cause you to ride on the heights of the land
and to feast on the inheritance of your father Jacob."
The mouth of the LORD has spoken.

It never get's old, man I love this passage!!!!!!!!

2009-03-08T12:55:00.000-07:00

You were wholly my desire
I gave up all I knew for you
I followed you wholeheartedly
And did all you called me to do.

But somehow, somewhere along the way
You left me with a memory
A dream of that which we once had
And I lost touch with reality

When you were near I had no fears
No doubts plagued my happy soul
I was so sure of who I was
I had a purpose and a role

I walked in confidence and trust
I knew you'd always have my back
That you'd lead me in your ways
And never leave me in the black

This illusion of your absence
Makes me feel like I am blind
Like I've no purpose for which to live
Like I'm walking on shifting sand

When will you return to me
And give light to my eyes
Strength to my heart to carry on
And faith to hold on tight.

2009-03-06T18:51:00.000-08:00

My heart is stired and bathes in want
A longing that won't subside
A hunger for what I cannot see
A thirst from deep inside

I thought I found my souls desire
But I wake up and it's gone
Deceived by earthly confidence
Illusions led me on

I know that one can satisfy
He's ever my lasting hope
But what about my needs and dreams
Do I have to let them go?

I know they change from time to time
They're molded by His will
But I wish He'd just show me the way
Cause my mind would then be still

But I guess that's life for those who fear
and trust Him with their life
Gone is earthly confidence
We fight a greater fight

Out with the old, in with the new
My mind's being transformed
It's not with fear but confidence
That we'll win this war of wars

My mind and heart are His alone
He knows my hearts desire
I don't know what to do but wait
And stay faithful in the fire.

Perseverance

2009-03-02T20:26:00.000-08:00

Let my pain not be in vain
Let it now begin to train
my hands for battle
my heart for love
Let my soul soar like a dove.
Let it rise and not descend
to a hell and bitter end
of despair and agony
where the stony hearted flee.
Let my heart endure the scorn
and the piercing of this thorn;
though it bleed let it not die,
or grow cold from this demise.
I have trusted you for life
and have known my share of plight,
but the sorrows do not end
and the wounds, though you will mend
increase with acquired friends.
As I give my heart away,
it gets broken every day,
and I long to know that they
whom I love feel the same way.
But rejection is my foe
and unlove my constant woe.
Breaking bone and waining strength,
failing heart, a soul that's faint.
Now I hear a saintly plea,
of those who've passed on to glory
shouting:
"live by faith and fight the fight,
press onward and behold the light;
live for freedom and love for life,
do no hold a grudge at night.
See your King comes speedily
and in glory you will be,
and fully know the love you seek.
Until then endure the pain,
and know Jesus did the same,
and entrust yourself to Him
who heals your heart and bore your sins"

Ezekiel 16

2009-02-24T11:52:00.000-08:00

Oh Ezekiel speak no more
Lord, your words pierce to the core
For I see myself in them
Your chosen ones, unfaithful men

You brought them up out of their blood
And washed them clean with hands of love
You made their beauty unsurpassed
Their fame spread wide, their pwr' grew fast

You satisfied their thirsty souls
You gave them bread and made them whole
You adorned them with the best
And offered glory in your rest

A covenant of trust and love
You made with those you found and loved
But they their love would soon withhold
Their jewelery they use to mold
Imaginary lovers!

Their hearts grew cold
and broke your heart
Your anger to invoke

They took the bread you made them
and gave it to their lovers!

How did they turn?
When did they forget
the meekness of their birth?
Covered in blood and left to die
how could they forget your love?

Forbid it Lord that I should forget
How you ransomed my sickly soul
How you gave me life and made me whole
And prepared for me a home

Your greatest gift is You, Yourself
You loved me to the uttermost
A faithful heart and steady gaze
Is what I want the most

Religiosity and Reverence

2009-02-24T11:31:00.001-08:00

A friend spoke on this topic at church, and it's interesting how when you hear something somewhere you begin to notice it everywhere. Well this is the case with this topic. I was reading Luke 15 on the Prodigal son and was stunned to see what religiosity can do to a person. What struck me was what the father said to the second son when he didn't want to come in and celebrate with him. He said, "Son, you are always with me, and all that I have is yours." I guess the son had forgot that, he was living based on a give and take paradigm. His thought was that if he did everything he was 'suppose' to do, he'd get something in return. This was his argument: "Look how many years I've stayed here serving you, never giving you one moment of grief, but have you ever thrown a party for me and my friends?" There it is, he served expecting to be served. He had forgotten the very assurance he needed, which was shown to his brother when he repented, that is, nothing could take away his father's love for him, and that everything the father had was his. Is it not a remarkable thought? Is this not where our reverence should come from? Look at the "prodigal son", he returns to his father and says, "Father, I've sinned against God, I've sinned before you; I don't deserve to be called your son ever again." The Father's love exists and burns for all his children. I love the parables before this one in Luke 15, they all describe a person who has lost something and how they set out to find it. They reveal the Father's wholehearted desire, even labor to bring his children back to himself, and how he rejoices when they've returned. The father's love is constant and everlasting, He is slow to anger and abounding in lovingkindness to those who fear Him, and His righteousness to their children's children.

The first will be last and the last first

2009-02-21T18:05:00.000-08:00

Today I sat and, completely dissatisfied with my current state of heart and circumstances, contemplated the gravity of my existence. I remembered how incredibly short but significant my life is in view of the fact that I will continue to exist well past my death, on into forever!...! Then I thought, what could be the most significant thing I could do now that would completely alter my eternal existence for the better? That being left in the air, I turned to Luke 13:30 which says, "Indeed there are those who are last who will be first, and first who will be last." and also to Luke 14:11, "For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted." I don't really know what it means to be the last or the first, but I gather it has something to do with what Jesus taught the disciples when He washed their feet. I love what Jesus says next to clarify this for the disciples,

Then Jesus said to his host, "When you give a luncheon or dinner, do not invite your friends, your brothers or relatives, or your rich neighbors; if you do, they may invite you back and so you will be repaid. But when you give a banquet, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind, and you will be blessed. Although they cannot repay you, you will be repaid at the resurrection of the righteous."

I realized what Jesus meant was, Do good not because you want to get something out of it, but because you love, think of others above yourself. And all the other stuff we already know but often forget and don't realize why we're called to do them. I'm not sure if this clarifies things at all, but somehow it makes sense in my brain.

Courage

2009-02-13T15:31:00.001-08:00

Sweet quote by G.K. Chesterton,

"Courage is a contradiction in terms. I means a strong desire to live taking the form of a readiness to die...He must seek his life in a spirit of furious indifference to it; he must desire life like water and yet drink death like wine."

Himself

2009-02-13T15:22:00.001-08:00

HIMSELF

by A.B. Simpson

Once it was the blessing, Now it is the Lord;
Once it was the feeling, Now it is His Word.
Once His gifts I wanted, Now the Giver own;
Once I sought for healing, Now Himself alone.

Once ’twas painful trying, Now ’tis perfect trust;
Once a half salvation, Now the uttermost.
Once ’twas ceaseless holding, Now He holds me fast;
Once ’twas constant drifting, Now my anchor’s cast.

Once ’twas busy planning, Now ’tis trustful prayer;
Once ’twas anxious caring, Now He has the care.
Once ’twas what I wanted, Now what Jesus says;
Once ’twas constant asking, Now ’tis ceaseless praise.

Once it was my working, His it hence shall be;
Once I tried to use Him, Now He uses me.
Once the power I wanted, Now the Mighty One;
Once for self I labored, Now for Him alone.

Once I hoped in Jesus, Now I know He’s mine;
Once my lamps were dying, Now they brightly shine.
Once for death I waited, Now His coming hail;
And my hopes are anchored, Safe within the veil.

Tears of the Saints

2009-02-13T14:54:00.001-08:00

Where are the tears of the Saints? Who has heard the cries of Rachel for her children? Why don't people weep for their sins, for the deceived? Has the world won the hearts of the saints? When did we turn our hearts away, to be satisfied by the mud piles in the slums, forgetting the holiday in the sun? God forbid that we follow in our ancestors ways:

Thus says the Lord GOD,

⁶"When I passed by you and saw you squirming in your blood, I said to you while you were in your blood, 'Live!' Yes, I said to you while you were in your blood, 'Live!'

⁷"I made you numerous like plants of the field. Then you grew up, became tall and reached the age for fine ornaments; your breasts were formed and your hair had grown. Yet you were naked and bare.

⁸"Then I passed by you and saw you, and behold, you were at the time for love; so I spread My skirt over you and covered your nakedness I also swore to you and entered into a covenant with you so that you became Mine," declares the Lord GOD.

⁹"Then I bathed you with water, washed off your blood from you and anointed you with oil.

¹⁰"I also clothed you with embroidered cloth and put sandals of porpoise skin on your feet; and I wrapped you with fine linen and covered you with silk.

¹¹"I adorned you with ornaments, put bracelets on your hands and a necklace around your neck.

¹²"I also put a ring in your nostril, earrings in your ears and a beautiful crown on your head.

¹³"Thus you were adorned with gold and silver, and your dress was of fine linen, silk and embroidered cloth You ate fine flour, honey and oil; so you were exceedingly beautiful and advanced to royalty.

¹⁴"Then your fame went forth among the nations on account of your beauty, for it was perfect because of My splendor which I bestowed on you," declares the Lord GOD.

¹⁵"But you trusted in your beauty and played the harlot because of your fame, and you poured out your harlotries on every passer-by who might be willing.

¹⁶"You took some of your clothes, made for yourself high places of various colors and played the harlot on them, which should never come about nor happen.

¹⁷"You also took your beautiful jewels made of My gold and of My silver, which I had given you, and made for yourself male images that you might play the harlot with them.

¹⁸"Then you took your embroidered cloth and covered them, and offered My oil and My incense before them.

¹⁹"Also My bread which I gave you, fine flour, oil and honey with which I fed you, you would offer before them for a soothing aroma; so it happened," declares the Lord GOD.

-Ez 16

May God forever hold the affections of our hearts, the attention of our minds and the service of our bodies.

Blind Sorrow

2008-12-08T17:57:00.001-08:00

George MacDonald

“My life is drear; walking I labour sore;
 The heart in me is heavy as a stone;
And of my sorrows this the icy core:
 Life is so wide, and I am all alone!”

Thou did’st walk so, with heaven-born eyes down bent
 Upon the earth’s gold-rosy, radiant clay,
That thou had’st seen no star in all God’s tent
 Had not thy tears made pools first on the way.

Ah, little knowest thou the tender care
 In a love-plenteous cloak around thee thrown!
Full many a dim-seen, saving mountain-stair
 Toiling thou climb’st—but not one step alone!

Lift but thy languid head and see thy guide;
 Let thy steps go in his, nor choose thine own;
Then soon wilt thou, thine eyes with wonder wide,
 Cry, Now I know I never was alone!

A grace to hope in

2008-11-23T10:30:00.000-08:00

Isaiah 60

1 "Arise, shine, for your light has come,
and the glory of the LORD rises upon you.

2 See, darkness covers the earth
and thick darkness is over the peoples,
but the LORD rises upon you
and his glory appears over you.

5 Then you will look and be radiant,
your heart will throb and swell with joy;
the wealth on the seas will be brought to you,
to you the riches of the nations will come.

9 Surely the islands look to me;
in the lead are the ships of Tarshish,
bringing your sons from afar,
with their silver and gold,
to the honor of the LORD your God,
the Holy One of Israel,
for he has endowed you with splendor.

10 "Foreigners will rebuild your walls,
and their kings will serve you.
Though in anger I struck you,
in favor I will show you compassion.

13 "The glory of Lebanon will come to you,
the pine, the fir and the cypress together,
to adorn the place of my sanctuary;
and I will glorify the place of my feet.

14 The sons of your oppressors will come bowing before you;
all who despise you will bow down at your feet
and will call you the City of the LORD,
Zion of the Holy One of Israel.

15 "Although you have been forsaken and hated,
with no one traveling through,
I will make you the everlasting pride
and the joy of all generations.

17 Instead of bronze I will bring you gold,
and silver in place of iron.
Instead of wood I will bring you bronze,
and iron in place of stones.
I will make peace your governor
and righteousness your ruler.

18 No longer will violence be heard in your land,
nor ruin or destruction within your borders,
but you will call your walls Salvation
and your gates Praise.

19 The sun will no more be your light by day,
nor will the brightness of the moon shine on you,
for the LORD will be your everlasting light,
and your God will be your glory.

20 Your sun will never set again,
and your moon will wane no more;
the LORD will be your everlasting light,
and your days of sorrow will end.

21 Then will all your people be righteous
and they will possess the land forever.
They are the shoot I have planted,
the work of my hands,
for the display of my splendor.

22 The least of you will become a thousand,
the smallest a mighty nation.
I am the LORD;
in its time I will do this swiftly."

(If you belong to Christ, then you are Abraham's seed, and heirs according to the promise. Gal 3:29)

the song of a broken heart

2008-11-23T09:54:00.001-08:00

I hate it when people compare themselves to me. As if everyone in the world were the same, or going through the exact same thing. Especially when they're older than you and say things like, "when I was your age I.....", and expect that to make you feel better. I'm not exactly sure what they're trying to imply, but it sure doesn't make me feel better. On the contrary, to me it sounds like I have no right to feel the way I do. Don't get me wrong, I have every respect for my elders, they've sure gone through more than I have, but you'd think they'd know how to console better because they've endured more pain. The worst is when people lay out all the logic, all the reasons why you shouldn't feel the way you do, and all the reasons for you to be thankful, like one word will make everything better. I know it all, and I am thankful, but it doesn't excuse the pain. I know it doesn't make sense, I hate myself for dealing with things the way I do, I wish I were stronger, but I'm not. I'm not like you, so stop expecting me not to cry when it hurts so much. I was thinking about what the best thing someone could say to an aching heart, and realized the only thing that helped me was when someone told me that it was okay to cry and feel the way I do. Why are we ashamed of our tears, they are the evidence of a bleeding heart, and we brush them away as if it were nothing. The reason it hurts so much is because the heart is alive. I hate it when people say feelings don't matter, if they didn't, God would not have given them to us. I'm not saying that we should place our hope and faith in our feelings, no, our hope is always on God and in His promises. What I'm saying is that God gave us a heart for a reason. He too has a heart, one that can rejoices and laugh, but that can also cry and be angry. Just because He knows we'll be okay doesn't mean it doesn't hurt him when we endure such pain. If he said "rejoice with those who rejoice, and mourn with those who mourn", don't you think He does likewise? I know what I need to do, I know I have to keep fighting the fight of faith, holding on to the hope I have in Christ Jesus for dear life, keeping my heart from hardening, and leaning on my God for all my strength to go on. I know everything you have to tell me, and I'm doing my best, all I need from you is you're sympathy, tell me you love me and don't add condemnation to my pain. For those who need to hear it, "It's okay to cry".

Trials of the Righteous- Spurgeon

2008-11-16T11:11:00.000-08:00

The Lord trieth the righteous. Psalm 11:5

All events are under the control of Providence; consequently all the trials of our outward life are traceable at once to the great First Cause. All providences are doors to trial. Even our mercies, like roses, have their thorns. Men may be drowned in seas of prosperity as well as in rivers of affliction. Our mountains are not too high and our valleys are not too low for temptations: Trials lurk on all roads. We are beset and surrounded with dangers. Yet no shower falls from the threatening cloud without permission; every drop has its order before it hastens to the earth. The trials which come from God are set to prove and strengthen our graces, and so at once to illustrate the power of divine grace, to test the genuineness of our virtues, and to add to their energy. You would never have possessed the precious faith that now supports you if the trial of your faith had not been like unto fire. World ease is a great foe to faith; it loosens the joints of holy valor and snaps the sinews of sacred courage. While the wheat sleeps comfortably in the husk , it is useless to man; it must be threshed out of its resting place before its value can be known. Thus it is well that Jehovah tries the righteous, for it causes them to grow rich toward God.

Why is it so hard to love?

2008-11-16T11:07:00.000-08:00

Because it requires everything. To love is to sacrifice: to sacrifice your heart, perhaps your happiness, your comfort, your security, your everything. But “he who seeks to gain his life will lose it, and he who loses his life for my sake will keep it to eternal life”. To put someone else before you is so glorious because it is so godly. When the Bible talks about being godly, I think it refers to loving. When we love it’s as if light shines in the darkness. The harder it is to love, the more glorious the love, the greater the pain, the more glorious the sacrifice. I don’t think we could capture it in human terms or comprehension, but only in spiritual awakeness. To push through the temptations of hardening the heart, of bitterness, of self-pity to a full and utter dependence on Christ’s ability to heal our hearts and love through us in the midst of the pain is to truly experience the abundant life. The abundant life isn’t easy, it’s the harder type, the narrow road, but we have one on whom we fall and utterly depend. One who said, “cease striving and know that I am God”, one who forgives our sins and heals all our diseases, who is near to the brokenhearted and to those who are crushed in spirit. What greater freedom is there to be found than in Christ? When we are week He is strong, when we fail, He is our victor, when we cry, He is our comfort, when we lack love and godliness, He is our righteousness, and by His Spirit we are conformed to His likeness. Therefore I will praise Him. My soul will exalt His name because He is at work in me to will and work according to His good purpose. He changes my heart for His names sake; He works towards my good and joy. He is my portion, and if I’m left with nothing in the world but still have Him, I have everything. Therefore I can give everything away and watch others be blessed because He has prepared good things for me, and He alone is my inheritance. And though my heart breaks momentarily, I hope in His promises and my reward. If only I would remember and truly comprehend this all the time…I know it’s true but I hardly live as if it were. And yet He gives me strength to go on, even joy in seeing others happy at the cost of my brokenness, He is so gracious.

Speaking the truth

2008-11-05T09:09:00.000-08:00

Why is it so important to speak the truth? or, why is it a sin to lie? I was thinking about this the other day while reading Isaiah 59. There's a picture painted of a people of deceit, who live and speak and believe lies, resulting in destruction, murder and all sorts of injustice. Then I thought about the power of words. Someone once said that words have greater power than we realize, but I've come to believe that it's not the words that are spoken that have power but it's who speaks them that gives them any validity and weight. Think of it this way, we know that what God says is true, why? because everything God has ever said has proven to be true, so we trust that He will keep His word. In the past, when a person gave their word it was an oath, a promise they were tied to. If they turned out to be a scoundrel their word was worth nothing more than a meaningless utterance. In our postmodern, morally wanting society people throw words around without any thought to their significance. How do we become people of integrity if we do not keep our word? How can we have any impact on this world when we show ourselves to be untrustworthy. And it's not just speaking the truth, but speaking it from the heart and to the heart like Ps 15:1,2 says, "LORD, who may dwell in your sanctuary? Who may live on your holy hill? He whose walk is blameless and who does what is righteous, who speaks the truth from his heart." Truth spoken from the heart is truth received by the heart. We're attacked by lies everyday, they're like flaming arrows aimed at our hearts (Eph 6:16). Unfortunately we often believe them, but if we speak the truth in our hearts we are changed, we are set free from the lies that bind us. (John 8:32) So speaking the truth makes us like Christ, our words begin to have a greater weight, and our hearts are free as we trust in God and the truth of His word. So lying is a sin because it is the opposite of who God is and because it binds us and destroys our hearts. Satan is called the "Father of Lies"(John 8:44), because he is devoted to binding and destroying people (John 10:10), where as God is devoted to liberating and giving life (Is 61:1-4)!

Thanksgiving and praise

2008-10-27T08:00:00.001-07:00

There's something so powerful about worshiping God, especially with others. There's freedom, an escape from all those things that separate us from God. There's rest from the battle and assault of our hearts. I heard James McDonald speak on the radio today about the importance of praise. He quoted Isaiah 61 and said that we are released from depression and despair when we praise God and thank Him with an honest heart. I know someone really close to me who can testify to this. She's going through unbelievably difficult circumstances where all the hurt becomes overwhelming, but she told me that when she thinks about the amazing things in her life, what God has given her, the burden lifts and she's able to persevere. Listen to what Philippians 4:6,7 says: "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." I heard someone speak on this and he said that most times we don't have peace because we forget to be thankful, to look at what God has done for and in us and how far we've come. I think that's what the palmist's mean when they talk about meditating on the works of the Lord and on his wonders. I loved James McDonald's closing remarks in the sermon I mentioned. He quoted the last verse in Isaiah 61: "For as the soil makes the sprout come up and a garden causes seeds to grow, so the Sovereign LORD will make righteousness and praise spring up before all nations."
He said that what God is growing in us is righteousness and a heart of praise. That's crazy! I never thought about my life being about praise and thanksgiving, but as I think about it more it becomes so obvious. We were created to worship God, and how do we worship Him if not by acknowledging Him and His works through our praise and thanks! Give me a thankful, praising heart, O Lord!

The glory of God and indifference of His people

2008-10-21T21:23:00.000-07:00

I'm so frustrated and burdened by the number of Christians who totally bypass the essence of Christianity with principles, formulas, good deeds and traditions. Where is the love for God? We've made it about everything but that. If I could say one thing to all the Christian's in the world it would be to delight in the Lord. God is more glorious, more honorable, more mighty, more beautiful than anything or anyone we could conceive. He is more gracious, loving, kind, compassionate and merciful than we can imagine. If we but saw God in all his glory we would truly stand in awe, but it would be an awe full of terror and revelation of adoration and love of delight and praise. God is glorious, we need only open our eyes to see Him. Why are we so half-hearted in worship? so complacent in service? Does not God deserve everything we have to offer and more? Does He not deserve our full devotion-of heart, mind and soul? Lord have mercy on your people and don't spit us out of your mouth. Bring us back to our first Love, stir up an adoration of your name within our hearts. Let your word burn in our hearts so that we would not be able to hold it in, indeed we would not. Have mercy on us and give us a revelation of our glory and of your unfailing love because we're nothing without you.

The assult on my heart

2008-10-14T16:08:00.000-07:00

I'm sick and tired of the world thinking it has the right to dictate who and what I am. I've become a cripple believing every lie and influence that seeks to define me. My heart has been under attack from the moment of my birth, and here I am a 24 year old with a broken heart. I'm tired of believing that I'm not good enough. That I'm not funny enough to entertain, I'm not smart enough to captivate, I'm not pretty enough to attract. I'm tired of feeling I'm too much! That I think too much, that I feel too much, that I care too much. I don't even know who I am anymore, and I seriously don't know if any or all of these heartbreaking labels are true. I'm tired of fighting for my heart while everyone around me acts as if it didn't matter, or worse, add insult to injury. I'm tired of watching people pass me by as if my heart was not worth a thing, as if I were not worth their time or attention. Where is the glory God gave me? Who is the woman God created me to be? Why do I pretend to be someone I'm not because I don't think who I really am is good enough? If God created me in His image, gave me a new heart, made me a new creation, is transforming me into the likeness of Christ with ever increasing glory, why does it seem like my glory is fading, that I'm getting, not better, but worse? I live every day wishing I was more of this and less of that and watch the wellspring of my life dry out. Why do so few people encourage, sustain, speak words of truth that give life. Words spoken these days, even by Christians, tear down instead of build up. They're like poison to the soul, like moldy food that corrupts the body. I want to be a life giver, not a soul killer, after all isn't that what this is about? Isn't it the heart that we are called to fight for, to protect..." Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." prov 4:23. With the heart we live, we love, we desire, we worship God and delight in Him and His gifts. The heart is the treasure of heaven and on it is written the image of God. No wonder we're commanded to protect it. But it's so hard and the battle is never ending. How many times have I allowed my heart to harden because the pain was too much to bear? Or stopped trying because I thought no one cared anyways. But praise God, he is the healer of the heart..."He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." Ps. 147:3 I suppose the healing of my heart is a lifelong process. But I want to live with the assurance that even though my heart is healing, it is worth something, that it's good for something, that it's precious and good, that God delights in it-in me. Show me Lord, for your names sake and for the praise of your glory.

The Lord is compassionate and gracious

2008-09-12T14:03:00.000-07:00

Ps94:18,19

When I said, "My foot is slipping,"
your love, O LORD, supported me.

When anxiety was great within me,
your consolation brought joy to my soul. :

Isaiah 54

1"Shout for joy, O barren one, you who have borne no child;
Break forth into joyful shouting and cry aloud, you who have not travailed;
For the sons of the desolate one will be more numerous
Than the sons of the married woman," says the LORD.
2"Enlarge the place of your tent;
Stretch out the curtains of your dwellings, spare not;
Lengthen your cords
And strengthen your pegs.
3"For you will spread abroad to the right and to the left
And your descendants will possess nations
And will resettle the desolate cities.
4"Fear not, for you will not be put to shame;
And do not feel humiliated, for you will not be disgraced;
But you will forget the shame of your youth,
And the reproach of your widowhood you will remember no more.
5"For your husband is your Maker,
Whose name is the LORD of hosts;
And your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel,
Who is called the God of all the earth.
6"For the LORD has called you,
Like a wife forsaken and grieved in spirit,
Even like a wife of one's youth when she is rejected,"
Says your God.
7"For a brief moment I forsook you,
But with great compassion I will gather you.
8"In an outburst of anger
I hid My face from you for a moment,
But with everlasting lovingkindness I will have compassion on you,"
Says the LORD your Redeemer.
9"For this is like the days of Noah to Me,
When I swore that the waters of Noah
Would not flood the earth again;
So I have sworn that I will not be angry with you
Nor will I rebuke you.
10"For the mountains may be removed and the hills may shake,
But My lovingkindness will not be removed from you,
And My covenant of peace will not be shaken,"
Says the LORD who has compassion on you.
11"O afflicted one, storm-tossed, and not comforted,
Behold, I will set your stones in antimony,
And your foundations I will lay in sapphires.
12"Moreover, I will make your battlements of rubies,
And your gates of crystal,
And your entire wall of precious stones.
13"All your sons will be taught of the LORD;
And the well-being of your sons will be great.
14"In righteousness you will be established;
You will be far from oppression, for you will not fear;
And from terror, for it will not come near you.
15"If anyone fiercely assails you it will not be from Me.
Whoever assails you will fall because of you.
16"Behold, I Myself have created the smith who blows the fire of coals
And brings out a weapon for its work;
And I have created the destroyer to ruin.
17"No weapon that is formed against you will prosper;
And every tongue that accuses you in judgment you will condemn
This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD,
And their vindication is from Me," declares the LORD.

utterly meaningless

2008-09-09T18:45:00.000-07:00

It seams like every time I write, I end up writing about the same things over and over again. I guess it's what weighs so heavily on my heart. I can't help wondering how people live without thinking of their meaning or purpose; what they want to accomplish or get out of life. Maybe it's because thinking of things like this can get so overwhelming it can become a burden too heavy to bear. I can't help thinking I'm the only one who thinks about things like this, and that I'm a weirdo for it. Doesn't anyone else feel like there's more to life than going to school, getting a degree, getting a job, having a family, seeing them grow up, learning and then dying? I read Ecclesiastes, and I honestly don't really get it. I think Solomon was trying to come to terms with these same issues. I just don't get how everything is vanity and meaningless. What's more astounding is that this book was inspired by the Holy Spirit, it's not just a person's opinion, it's truth. My mom once said that this book explains that life without God is meaningless, and I believe that, but sometimes I feel like Solomon when he says, "So I hated life, because the work that is done under the sun was grievous to me. All of it is meaningless, a chasing after the wind." If I don't work to glorify God than why do I work? It's meaningless. If i don't eat to glorify God why to I eat? It's meaningless. If I seek to do what is right but do not glorify God in the process, what's the point of striving for it, it's meaningless. But what if I do all of these things, and live my life to the glory of God? What meaning does my life hold then? And how do I do everything I do to the glory of God? I don't know how to live for him, I only know how to live for myself and I'm so sick of it. I wish I could forget about myself for a change, that God would love and trust and live through me. I want to do something meaningful with my life, something that will last forever, but I don't know what. It seams like reality is clouded by a mirage of duties, expectations, responsibilities and worldly ideologies on the meaning of my life. This sucks!

A tamer of the wild heart

2008-06-23T22:09:00.000-07:00

A short note on something I heard in the new rendition of Sense and sensibility (2008). Eleanor said something that caught me off guard about Colonel Brandon's approach to capturing Marian's heart. When she was beginning to fall in love with Him he left for a while, when giving a possible explanation, Eleanor explained, "Great tamers of horses do it by being gentle then walking away, 9 times out of 10 the wild horse will follow." I was blown away by this statement, to say the least.

My great calling

2008-06-23T21:23:00.000-07:00

The past year has quite honestly been a search for purpose, for understanding and direction from the LORD. The question that seems to come up over and over again is a matter of what God requires of me. Does God have a plan for me or must I go about doing what I think is the right thing to do? I've heard so many opinions on the matter, but I can't seem to get a clear answer from the Bible. God's word says that He does have plans for me, that the steps of a good man are ordered by the LORD and He delights in His way (Ps. 37:23-24), that there are good works which God prepared in advance for me to do; That before I was born God knew me, and in His book were written all the days ordained for me (ps139:16). After all my contemplating I eventually reach the same conclusion, I come back to the same verse: Micah 6:8 He has told you, O man, what is good; And what does the LORD require of you But to do justice, to love kindness, And to walk humbly with your God? There it is. God has called me to obedience, to love and mercy and to a daily dependence upon His Spirit. I suppose the greatest calling is one to love as I have been loved. What is harder in life, what is more honorable and glorious, what is more glorifying to the Lord but to love my neighbor as myself, to love like Christ loved the church and gave himself up for it? For what other action requires more self-sacrifice, more Christ-likness and humility but love. That is why it is the greatest. Therefore wherever I find myself, I am called to love. There is no ordination or work that is more honorable than another because in any and every profession He has called me to love. Whether I am called to love my seemingly well-off, middle class co-workers, or the homeless and widow-for according to Jesus, there is no man more worthy of love than another. Who am I to pick and choose who I may love or from whom I may withhold love. This is all good and theological, but completely impossible in the flesh. Christ must love through me. That is why I must devote myself to the reading of the Word and Prayer, that in communion with God I may be filled with the Spirit so that when I love, I may do so with the strength and love that God provides so that in everything He may get the glory. I must make Christ my first love, I must delight in Him and make him my joy, He must be my preoccupation and the object of my affection day and night, because He is worthy, and because by Him I can fulfill my calling as a daughter of the King, that is, to love! There is another matter however, that of my desires, which I believe to be from the Lord for the purpose of accomplishing His work in and through me. Where these are concerned, though I have no confirmation of their fulfillment, other than the promise that God would give me the desires of my heart if He, himself is my delight, I must receive by faith, and trust that all things are possible to Him who believes. (Mark 9:23)

one year and 4 months later

2008-06-17T23:16:00.000-07:00

Well it's been one year since my last blog, and I feel like a lifetime has passed. I'm a different person, almost completely, in a way I guess I've evolved, or blossomed into the likeness of the person God intended when He created me. I've explored my artistic talents and come up with some awesome paintings, well, they're not professional or anything but I like them, they're up in my room. My room has undergone a makeover, I delight in it every day. And i guess, even in this small way I delight in God because it not only reflects my heart but His as well. I'm beginning to delight more and more in little things, like the beautiful and delicate contours of clouds after a midday rain. I love the rain more than almost any other weather condition. I love umbrellas cause they remind me of the rain. Seriously, when it rains I'd be jumping up and down. I don't know, I guess it reminds me of that passage in Isaiah 44 where God says that he will pour water on a thirsty land. It reminds me of the outpour of the Spirit on the soul something my heart has longed for for such a long time, and yet has not come. But the rain reminds me that it will come, God has promised. I've also been reading God's word so differently. I suppose that has to do with my listening to over 500 John Piper sermons in the last year. I learned so much from him on how to read the scriptures and understand thought flow, and how to read the bible systematically, interpreting scripture with scripture. I've learned more about love, as exemplified by a friend. She loved me and prayed for me and pursued me when she had every reason to desert our friendship. I learned about what it means to be a Christian, that God calls us to love as Christ loved us and to give ourselves up for others, something the Church has forgotten. That we are to show mercy and grace, to plead the cause of the widow and orphan, to feed the homeless and clothe the destitute. I learned that a Christian doesn't have to look a certain way, but to live a certain way. To be a light. I've come to realize the heart wrenching truth that those who don't know Jesus will spend eternity in hell, but that God has given me the ability to be an influence to those around me to lead them to Himself. That this is really what life is about, to love mercy, to do justice and to walk humbly with God. I leaned that God is greater than my weaknesses and shortcomings. That God's promises are anchors of hope that keep me going. That after all is said and done, what really matters is if I have been faithful to Jesus. And though I don't know what to do now, I know that, "the paths of a good man are order by the Lord and He delights in his way". I learned that in the end God will get the glory because He is the one who gives faith, who sustains, who keeps and leads us in paths of righteousness for His name's sake. He gave me the heart of a warrior, and I will fight to prove my calling and election sure, because it is for victory that Jesus died, and his precious blood is sufficient for my salvation, that is, my justification, sanctification, and glorification...a victory through and through. For this is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith... Who is it that overcomes the world? Only he who believes that Jesus is the Son of God. Hallelujah and Amen!

The Cost of Discipleship

2007-03-25T17:46:00.000-07:00

It happened again. God spoke to me about some thing's I've been thinking about-how much I'm willing to trust God, and what I'm willing to do to follow Him. Tonight we had a night of evangelism at my church (direct translation from Romanian) and the pastor surprisingly spoke from the passage in Luke 9:51-62;
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As the time approached for him to be taken up to heaven, Jesus resolutely set out for Jerusalem. And he sent messengers on ahead, who went into a Samaritan village to get things ready for him; but the people there did not welcome him, because he was heading for Jerusalem. When the disciples James and John saw this, they asked, "Lord, do you want us to call fire down from heaven to destroy them?" But Jesus turned and rebuked them, and they went to another village.

As they were walking along the road, a man said to him, "I will follow you wherever you go." Jesus replied, "Foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head." He said to another man, "Follow me." But the man replied, "Lord, first let me go and bury my father." Jesus said to him, "Let the dead bury their own dead, but you go and proclaim the kingdom of God." Still another said, "I will follow you, Lord; but first let me go back and say good-by to my family." Jesus replied, "No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God."

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I received this passage from a friend this past week, and it's been on my mind since she gave it to me. I won't try to explain it or to tell you what it means to me, but I encourage whoever's reading this to consider if they're ready to follow Christ and live the kind of life He lived. One thing I will mention is that Jesus resolved to go to Jerusalem where he would be handed over to be crucified-what he was born to do. Makes me wonder how resolved I am to fix my eyes on God and His will so that I do not waver to the left or to the right or allow myself to be persuaded to give up my pursuit of that which God created me.

Growing in Faith- The calm before the storm

2007-03-25T07:21:00.000-07:00

I love it when God gives me exactly what I need at exactly the right time. That's been happening quite often these last few weeks. This is what God spoke to me yesterday:

The trial of your faith...
1 Peter 1:7

Faith untried may be true faith, but it is sure to be little faith, and it is likely to remain dwarfish so long as it is without trials. Faith never prospers so well as when all things are against her: Tempests are her trainers, and lightnings are her illuminators. When a calm reigns on the sea, spread the sails as you will, the ship moves not to its harbor; for on a slumbering ocean, the keel sleeps, too. Let the winds rush howling forth, and let the waters lift up themselves; though the vessel may rock and her deck may be washed with waves and her mast may creak under the pressure of the full and swelling sail, it is then that she makes headway toward her desired haven. No stars gleam so brightly as those which glisten in the polar sky, no water tastes so sweet as that which springs amid the desert sand, and no faith is so precious as that which lives and triumphs in adversity. Tried faith brings experience. You could not have believed your own weakness had you not been compelled to pass through the rivers; and you would never know God's strength had you not been supported amid the water-floods. Faith increases in solidity, assurance, and intensity, the more it is exercised with tribulation. Faith is precious, and its trial is precious, too.
Charles Spurgeon

The storm is imminent.

The Joy of the Lord

2007-03-21T18:36:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking of Joy recently and how essential it is. I've noticed that so many people have so little joy in their lives, myself included, which made me wonder if it's really possible to have constant Joy. It seems like the joy that we experience is so dependent on our circumstances. I remembered that in Philippians Paul urges us to "rejoice always", so if we're commanded to rejoice it means God has made it possible to rejoice. And if we have to rejoice always than it has to do with something other than our circumstances, namely, God. I read through today's devotional in Strengthen my Spirit, and the theme was joy.

The joy of the Lord is my strength.
Nehemiah 8:10

The man who possesses "the joy of the Lord" finds it his strength, in that it fortifies him against temptation. What is there that he can be tempted with? He has more already than the world can offer him as a reward for treachery. He is already rich; who shall snare him with the wages of unrighteousness? He is already satisfied; who is he who can seduce him with pleasing baits? "Shall such a man as I flee?" The rejoicing Christian is equally proof against persecution. They may well afford to be laughed at who win at such a rate as he does. "You may scoff," he says, "but I know what true religion is within my soul, and your scoffing will not make me relinquish the pearl of great price." Such a man is, furthermore, made strong to bear affliction; for all the sufferings put upon him are but a few drops of bitterness cast into his cup of bliss, to give a deeper tone of the sweetness which absorbs them. Such a man becomes strong for service, too. What can he not do who is happy in his God? By his God he leaps over a wall or breaks through a troop. He is strong, too, for any kind of self-sacrifice. To the God who gives him all and remains to him and his perpetual portion, such a man gives up all that he has and does not think it surrender. It is laying up his treasure in his own peculiar treasure-house, even in the God of his salvation.

This is the kind of joy my heart longs for-the joy of the Lord.

what does a joyous man look like?

March 20th
More than Conquerors

In all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us.
Romans 8:37

A joyous man, such as I have now in my mind's eye, is for all intents and purposes a strong man. He is strong in a calm, restful manner. Whatever happens, he is not ruffled or disturbed. He is not afraid of evil tidings, his heart is fixed, trusting in the Lord. The ruffled man is ever weak. He is in a hurry and does things poorly. The man full of joy within is quiet; he bides his time and crouches in the fullness of his strength. Such a man, through he is humble, is firm and steadfast. He is not carried away with every wind or bowed by every breeze; he knows what he knows and holds what he holds, and the golden anchor of his hope enters within the veil and holds him fast. His strength is not pretentious but real. The happiness arising from communion with God breeds in him no boastfulness: he does not talk of what he can do, but he does it; he does not say what he could bear, but he bears all that comes. He does not himself always know what he could do; his weakness is the more apparent to himself because of the strength which the Holy Spirit puts upon him, But when the time comes, his weakness only illustrates the divine might, while the man goes calmly on conquering and to conquer.

Make me Lord, a joyous woman!

Faith

2007-03-20T06:35:00.000-07:00

So I was at prayer meeting on Monday morning, and guess what the theme was? Can you say "Faith"? I love it when God is so obvious in what He wants to teach me. The one thing that really hit me was that we need to place our faith in God not in His promises. I realized a lot of times I have certain expectations of how I want God to fulfill His promises and I put my hope in them. Then I get disappointed because God didn't answer my prayer, at least not the way I wanted Him to. I do that way to often. Trusting God is so freeing, because by faith we acknowledge that He will hear us and answer us in the way that is best, even if that way is not our way. It leaves no room for disappointment but allows us to see His blessings more clearly.

Ah sweet faith!

Faith and Fellowship

2007-03-18T19:22:00.000-07:00

I feel like this should be two posts, but I'm combining them because I already put up a post today. (Even though no one said you couldn't have two or three posts in one day.)
Anyways, God has been teaching me about fellowship this past week and a bit. I started going to 7:30 prayer every day and it's been revolutionary. At church last Saturday and Sunday the pastors talked about fellowship (at two different churches in two different languages), and how where God's people are gathered to fellowship, God's presence is among them. I totally felt that at 7:30 prayer. As I went Monday morning, the image of the first church came to mind. It says in Acts 2 that they met together every day. I think when God intended for us to fellowship, He intended for us to do it every day. As I thought about the difference fellowship had made in my life, I suddenly realized that if every church and every ministry gathered every day, the end would come most certainly by the end of this year. Can you imagine how different our world would be? So to anyone at York that wants to be changed and used in a mighty way, come out to 7:30am prayer, in Scott religious center in the meditation room.

Now on Faith. This Sunday, I went to two services, again in two different languages, and both pastors spoke on faith. Something that really stayed with me was that our faith is to rest on God and who He is not on faith itself. These verses from John 14:12-14 also reminded me of this and of the power that is ours in Christ. "I tell you the truth, anyone who has faith in me will do what I have been doing. He will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father. And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Son may bring glory to the Father. You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it." I realized I don't need more faith, I need to know God more and claim His promises, like this one, based on who He is.

2007-03-18T10:37:00.000-07:00

I was in church today and the youth pastor told about his time a youth group the other night. He had asked the youth to think of how much of themselves they are willing to give up to God. He said their answers averaged at about 70%. My heart became so unsettled, I felt like crying out and tearing my clothes at the thought. Is God worth only 70%? Is God worth even 100%? My heart was so filled with sorrow at the millions of believers around the world who think that they need to satisfy God by giving Him time in their schedules. What has happened to a love for God? Is God not worth so much more? He who created the heavens and the earth, He who has every right to condemn us to hell but saved us by His grace and love. Oh, far be it from us to give less than all of ourselves. I was reading through Ezekiel, how the people of Israel turned from God and prostituted themselves to other gods, who made idols and forgot what God had done. I realized that the wrath God poured out on them is the same punishment my sins deserve. But God spared me that wrath, how could my heart forget that? How could I live as if that didn't happen? Why do I do it so often? Spare me O Lord from absent minded worship, spare me from lovelessness and prayerlessness. May my heart burn with fire for You, Lover of my soul. May my heart run after you, King of Kings; may it follow hard after you, Untameable One. Wake me up inside! Prophecy over these dry bones and let me live, O Righteous One. Let me see Your face, let me worship You in Spirit and Truth! How long O Lord, how long before I see you face to face? How long will complacency and lukewarmness endure among your people? Move among Your people, give us courage, conviction, boldness and great love for the sake of Your Name, O Holy One. Reveal your Mercy to us, let us embrace your Grace. Open our hearts and heal us of our diseases so that we might live with joy. O Lord that is the desire of my heart. Give me joy! Give me eyes to see You, and ears to hear your voice. Save me from myself and make me into the woman you indented me to be.

Talk About Perspective

2007-03-12T19:53:00.000-07:00

I was reading through my daily devotional by Charles Spurgeon and came across this awesome picture, a reminder of what Christ has and will do. A good picture to be meditating on:

Think of your everlasting union with the person of Jehovah Jesus before this planet was sent rolling through space, and how your guilty soul was considered spotless and clean, even before you fell; and after that dire fall, before you were restored, justification was imputed to you in the person of Jesus Christ. Think of your relationship to Him since you have been called by His grace. Think of how He has become your brother, how His heart has beaten in sympathy with yours, how He has kissed you with the kisses of His love. Think of a time when an angel has stooped from heaven, taken you up on his wings, and carried you to sit in heavenly places where Jesus sits, that you might commune with Him. Or think of some pensive moments when you have had what Paul wrote about-fellowship with Christ in His sufferings. Think of seasons when the sweat has rolled from your brow, when you have knelt down and felt that you could die with Christ, even as you had risen with Him. Then think of your relationship in Christ that is to be developed in heaven. Picture in your mind the moment when Jesus Christ will salute you as “more than a conqueror” and put a pearly crown upon your head more glittering than stars. And think of that transporting hour when you will take that crown from off your own brow, and climbing the steps of Jesus’ throne, you shall put it on His head and crown Him once more Lord of your soul, as well as “Lord of all”.

Jerusalem

2007-03-11T11:22:00.001-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vJ5FvaASrs0

the Oscars

2007-02-27T06:29:00.000-08:00

So I was watching the academy awards the other night and it was kind of bitter-sweet. I always just tune in to see everyone all dressed up and looking pretty, but this time I was struck by the amazing talent of some of the people in the world, especially that Italian composer that got an award for his work. Can you imagine? He composed original scores for over 400 motion pictures, and he's still going at it. Amazing! And how about that lady who became president of paramount pictures, what an accomplishment. And then there are all the other talented people, the cinematographers, directors, producers, writers, songwriters costume and makeup people. I'm blown away by the genius of some of these people, and how they all work together to make a work of art. Not to mention that amazing sound effects choir. As I admired these people, I also pitied them. It's so sad that you work all your life to do or be someone great, and then it all ends. It breaks my heart that people as talented as these do not invest in what counts. They're living a lie, an illusion-won't anyone make a movie about that? Not only are they way off track but they're leading others in the same direction. It's a sobering thought.

Random Thoughts

2007-02-16T16:39:00.000-08:00

He loves Thee too little
who loves anything together with Thee
which he loves not for Thy sake.
—ST . A U G U S T I N E

...fasting is a way of awakening us to
latent spiritual appetites by pushing the domination of physical
forces from the center of our lives. John Wesley expressed this as
well as anyone I have read. What he calls the “sensualizing” of
the soul is a great hindrance to our longing for Jesus to return.
Therefore fasting assists the very experience of hunger for God
that it also expresses.
I do not mean to belittle the good gifts of God, as if eating
were an evil or even a hindrance to spiritual sensitivity. Together
with Wesley I simply mean to say that most of us run the risk of
being overly “sensualized” simply by having every craving satisfied
and rarely pausing in a moment of self-denial to discover if
there are alive within us spiritual appetites that could satisfy us
at a much deeper level than food, and that are designed for the
honor of God.
pg. 90 A HUNGER F O R GOD

The Practice of the Presence of God strengthens us in hope...Hope breathes into the will a distrust of things seen, and sets it aflame with the consuming fire of Divine love; for God's love is in very truth a consuming fire, burning to ashes all that is contrary to His will: the soul thus kindled cannot live save in the Presence of God, and this Presence works within the heart a consecrated zeal, a holy ardor, a violent passion to see this God known and loved and served and worshiped by all His creatures. By the practice of the Presence of God, by steadfast gaze on Him, the soul comes to a knowledge of God, full and deep, to an Unclouded Vision: all it's life is passed in unceasing acts of love and worship, of contrition and of simple trust, of praise and prayer, and service; at times indeed life seems to be but one long unbroken practice of His Divine Presence.
pg.82 THE PRACTICE OF THE PRESENCE OF GOD WITH SPIRITUAL MAXIMS

links

2007-02-09T20:02:00.000-08:00

I realized I never explained the links on my blog, so here goes.

The first link is Desiring God, and it's full of John Piper resources. My favorite things on this site are the free online books and his narrative poems-check out The Prodigal's sister-so great!

The second two are free online books. There's tons of stuff by Spurgeon, Piper, Murray, Tozer, Calvin, Luther, Edwards and more.

The Christian bookstore is my favorite place to get my books, the prices are reasonable and I usually get them in 1 1/2 weeks.
(haha, I should have been a sales person)

Bible resources has the Bible in different translations and other resources in studying the Bible.

Classical Radio is 96.3FM, you can catch it on the radio in Toronto or here online. They play the best classical music ever. It's my favorite station.

Jazz radio is 91.1FM. They play jazz all the time, but it's not always the best jazz music, it varies.

International Music is 100.7, I especially love it when they play Italian music, but they also play Indian, Greek, Portuguese etc.

Last is Boundless, it's a bunch of articles on issues relevant to "college" students.

There you have it, if I find more great websites I'll be sure to put them up. Till then, enjoy!

Who I Am In Christ

2007-02-06T14:46:00.000-08:00

Rebeka shared this with me during winter conference and I found it so helpful in saturating my mind with truth and understanding my identity in Christ. I'll only include some of the statements.

Zech 2:8 I am the apple of His [God's] eye
2 Cor 5:21 I am the righteousness of God in Christ
Eph 4:24 I am righteous and holy
col 3:3 I am hidden with Christ in God
col 3:4 I am an expression of the life of Christ
col 3:12, 1 Thes 1:4 I am chosen of God, holy and dearly loved
Heb 3:1 I am a partaker of heavenly calling
1 Pet 2:9 I am a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation
Eph 2:6 I am seated in heavenly places in Christ
Eph 2:8 I am saved by grace

NEVER AGAIN will I confess or focus on "I can't" because the Word says: "I can do all things through Jesus Christ who strengthens me." (Phil 4:13)

NEVER AGAIN will I confess or focus on fear, because the Word says: "God has not given me a spirit of fear, but one of power, love and a sound mind" (2Tim1:7)

NEVER AGAIN will I focus on doubt and lack of faith, because the Word says: "God has dealt to each one a measure of faith." (Rom 12:3)

NEVER AGAIN will I focus on weakness, because the Word says: "The Lord is the strength of my life" (Ps 27:1) and "The people that know their God shall be strong and carry out great exploits" (Dan 11:32)

NEVER AGAIN will I confess or focus on condemnation, because the Word says: "There is now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus." (Rom 8:1)

NEVER AGAIN will I confess or focus on unworthiness, because the Word says: "He made Him who knew no sin to be sin for us, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him." (2Cor:5:21)

I AM: Called by Name from before the foundation of the world. Is 43:7
I AM: Created to be the reflection of His Glory. Eph 1:12
I AM: Blessed with all spiritual blessing. Eph 1:3
I AM: An over-comer by the Blood of the Lamb and by the word of my Testimony Rev 12:11
I AM: Strong in the Lord and in the power of His Might. Eph 6:10
I AM: Being transformed by renewing my mind. Rom12:1-2
I AM: Dead to sin but alive in Christ. Rom 6:11
I AM: Getting all my needs met by Jesus. Phil 4:19
I AM: Predestined, called, justified, glorified. Rom 8:30
I AM: The dwelling place of God. Eph 2:22

In awe

2007-01-14T16:27:00.000-08:00

It's amazing what happens to the heart when we meditate on God. What joy we experience when the little blessings of the Lord are seen in light of His goodness and grace. I've come to realize that the many things which I enjoy are of the Lord, and become overwhelmed with His goodness in allowing me to experience them. I feel like Eric Little who said, "When I run, I feel God's pleasure". How much more can we rejoice in God's blessings when we take them as what they are, instead of making them greater than what they should be so that they take the place of our Lord. I very much enjoyed this passage of Revelations, I hope it spurs you to prolonged meditation on the Lord and His coming.

I saw heaven standing open and there before me was a white horse, whose rider is called Faithful and True. With justice he judges and makes war. His eyes are like blazing fire, and on his head are many crowns. He has a name written on him that no one knows but he himself. He is dressed in a robe dipped in blood, and his name is the Word of God. The armies of heaven were following him, riding on white horses and dressed in fine linen, white and clean. Out of his mouth comes a sharp sword with which to strike down the nations. "He will rule them with an iron scepter." He treads the winepress of the fury of the wrath of God Almighty. On his robe and on his thigh he has this name written:
KING OF KINGS AND LORD OF LORDS.
Rev. 19:11-16

Jim Elliot

2007-01-12T11:05:00.000-08:00

I'm currently reading Shadow of the Almighty, a biography of Jim Elliot, and am deeply impacted by this man's life. He has a deep love for the Lord, an incredible perspective on life, always thinking and acting in light of eternity. He has an eagerness to be used by God, a complete surrender to Him, and amazing Faith. I recommend this book to anyone who wants to be challenged in their walk with Christ, and in their perspective on life. I love what he says in his journal about God's grace: November 11 "I see clearly now that anything, whatever it is, if it be not on the principle of grace, it is not of God. Here shall be my plea in weakness; here shall be my boldness in prayer; here shall be my deliverance in temptation; at last, here shall be my translation. Not of grace? Then not of God. And here, O Lord Most High, shall be your glory and the glory of your Son. And the awakening for which I have asked-it shall come in your time, on this principle, by grace, through faith. Perfect my faith, then, Lord, that I may learn to trust only in divine grace, that Thy work of holiness might soon begin in Portland."

Amazing grace, how sweet the sound!

2007-01-03T12:59:00.000-08:00

So I thought I would include some pictures from over the break:

This is a picture of the Christmas party we had for International students (I'm the only Canadian)

The next few are from Winter Conference

(New Year's party)

(Down Here concert)

(Skating at Nathan Philips Square)

2006

2007-01-01T12:58:00.000-08:00

This was a challenging but great year. I've learned so much it's hardly possible to put it into words. I guess the theme of this year was God's grace. Beginning with project this summer, God has been showing me that I need to be living by His grace. Coming into this school year He has been teaching me that his grace is sufficient and His love unconditional. I realized that I didn't have to do a bunch of things for God to gain his acceptance and approval, but that I am accepted by God because of Christ. I also realized the importance of knowing God's word. I gained a new appreciation for Jesus words "the truth will set you free". I realized that the truth really does set you free from believing the lies of this world and the enemy regarding our identity and God's character. The truth sets us free from focusing on the things that are temporary and visible and turns our eyes to Christ and eternity.
This year I'm praying that God would cause great change in my life. These are the things I'm trusting God for:
-That I would grow in the disciplines of bible-study and prayer.
-That God would give me greater boldness
-That I would take every opportunity to make His name known
-That I would be faithful and obedient in everything
-That I would grow in my passion for the lost and for those who are not living an abundant life in Christ.
-That I would live a life worthy of the calling I have received.

If you remember me in your prayer please pray for these things. I'm really excited to see God work in and through me this year

Desiring God

2006-12-22T10:01:00.000-08:00

I've really been enjoying John Piper's Desiring God. I agree with MacArthur's comment on the cover, it's "A must-read for every Christian and a feast for the spiritually hungry". I think one of the things that's stayed with me most is the importance of pursuing my joy in God. After reading this book I've begun to ask myself if the things I rejoice in make me give glory and thanks to God, or if I forget Him as I lose myself in the object. I noticed that the former is usually the case. I realize that as Lewis puts it, I'm far too easily pleased. I'm satisfied with worldly pleasures, or even the blessings of God, but I don't look to God for the greater satisfaction. Lord may you keep me from the sin of not delighting myself in You, of not pursuing the joy of knowing you, being obedient and dependent on You.

On Evangelism

2006-12-12T07:34:00.000-08:00

It seems like every time I sit down to write I get distracted and can't finish my thoughts. Here I go again, and hopefully I'll be able to get through it this time.

Last night I was reading through John Piper's Desiring God. Chapter 1 was on the glory of God and how we are created to give glory to Him, and Chapter 2 was on the horrifying reality of Hell. It was one of those things that brings you back to the importance of sharing the gospel. I was filled with a burden and urgency to tell others the great news of hope. I realized that what I want most is for God to be glorified, and it makes me angry that people are not glorifying him (when they are living in sin) because He deserves all the glory. I also realized that people are dying and going to hell as we speak. I often try to sugar coat the idea of hell because it's so difficult to accept. I either ignore it or don't think of it; I tell myself that it's not as bad as the bible says it is, or that it won't last forever. But all of these are unbiblical. Yes, hell is real, and it's difficult for us to accept, but the reality of hell should stir up in us a greater urgency to tell others about Christ. In view of eternity-both heaven and hell-my going out on a limb and telling others about Christ should be one of the deepest desires of my heart. I'm not saying that we should preach fire and brimstone, but we should be motivated to share the gospel with tact and with wisdom out of our love for God and his Glory, and out of our love and concern for the souls around us. Lord give me an eternal perspective, a godly love for Your glory and souls, and give me opportunities to share Christ with others.

Click here to read Desiring God.

Fickle Heart

2006-12-04T19:17:00.000-08:00
Today I felt an inexpressible joy and delight in God’s word, I could totally relate to David when he says: “I rejoice in following your statutes as one rejoices in great riches. I meditate on your precepts and consider your ways. I delight in your decrees; I will not neglect your word.” (Ps. 119:14-16) But at the end of the day I felt a total lack of desire for God’s word. How can I have such great desire and lack of desire for God’s word in one day? How fickle my heart!

Illusion vs. Reality

2006-12-01T11:52:00.000-08:00
I'm reading Knowing God by J.I. Packer, and was struck by this one passage:

"To live wisely, you have to be clear-sighted and realistic-ruthlessly so-in looking at life as it is. Wisdom will not go with comforting illusions..."

I've been thinking a lot about the way I think, about people, myself, circumstances and even God. Often I entertain unrealistic ideas that are destructive. I think I tend to put certain people on a pedestal, judging them according to human standards. I've been praying that God help me to see people as he does, because God looks at the heart.

I realized that when I'm not rooted in God's truth I begin to have false notions of who God is-that is sin, it dishonors God and diminishes his glory (not in the actual sense of him being less than He is, but in the sense that I am not delighting in him and praising him for who he is). This kind thinking can be destructive in so many other ways. Mainly it interferes with my relationship with God, it gives Satan a foothold in my life and causes me to become an ineffective laborer. Oh Lord, I pray that You would give me a greater desire to know You, may my heart delight in your words and may your truth protect me.

The God of all comfort

2006-11-17T19:55:00.000-08:00
Yesterday I felt really down; frustrated with my weaknesses and feelings of incompetence. But "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God."

He comforted me with the words of Spurgeon from the devotional book "Strengthen my Spirit". I hope you will be comforted by it as well.

No task is too small for God
"I will help you," declares the Lord
Isaiah 41:14

The Lord says to each one of us: "I will help you. It is but a small thing for Me, your God, to help you. Consider what I have done already. I bought you with My blood. I have died for you; and if I have done the greater, will I not do the less? Help you! It is the least thing I will ever do for you; I have done more and will do more. Before the world began, I chose you. I made the covenant for you. I laid aside My glory and became a man for you; I gave up My life for you; and if I did all this, I will surely help you now. In helping you, I am giving you what I have bought for you already. If you had need of a thousand times as much help, I would give it you; you require little compared with what I am ready to give. Help you? Do not fear! I will help you." Oh, my soul, is not this enough? Do you need more strength than the omnipotence of the United Trinity? Do you want more wisdom than exists in the Father, more love than displays itself in the Son, or more power than is manifest in the influences of the Spirit? Bring your empty pitcher! Surely this well will fill it. Gather up your wants and bring them here-your emptiness, your woes, your needs. Behold, this river of God is full of your supply; what can you desire beside? The Eternal God is your helper!

Soon after God had comforted me, He strengthened me with another devotional entry (I won't include the whole thing):

"Now that you have only God to trust in, see that you place your full confidence in Him. Do not dishonor the Lord by unworthy doubts and fears, but be strong in faith, giving glory to God. Now is the time for feats of faith and valiant exploits. Be strong and courageous, and the Lord your God shall certainly, as surely as He built the heavens and the earth, glorify Himself in your weakness and magnify His might in the midst of your distress. Your faith would lose its glory if it rested on anything discernible by the carnal eye. May the Holy Spirit give you rest in Jesus."

(Thanks to the person who donated this book to the Ryan Lawrence memorial library)

God is drawing people to Himself

2006-11-10T18:40:00.000-08:00
For those of you that don't know, my discipleship group is reaching international students on Campus. Sammi and Eva are two international students that came to Christ last year and now God is using them to bring others to himself. Since the beginning of this school year we've been praying for Foliar, a friend of Sammi and Eva's to come to Christ. She was open to the gospel, but was hesitant to make a decision because of what her parents would think. This past Sunday when she went to church with Sammi and Eva, their pastor shared the Gospel with Her, and she decided to receive Christ as her personal Lord and Savior. What is more, her parents support her decision. What an answer to prayer!

Next week we'll be having our first outreach of the semester. We'll be showing the Jesus film in Mandarin to approximately 10 of Sammi, Eva and Foliar's friends. Please pray for this event, that God would draw those who are seeking, and that He would prepare their hearts for what they will see. Please also pray for Sammi, Eva, Foliar and myself as we talk to these students about spiritual things, that we would be filled with the Spirit, and that we would have wisdom as we answer their questions.

If you would like to see the film you can view it here

The Fruit of the Spirit

2006-11-04T13:51:00.000-08:00
I was looking through the study mentioned in my last blog and came across the definitions for the Fruit of the Spirit. When I first read this I was really convicted, but it gave me a better understanding of what they really are.

Love-Sacrificing your interests for the good of another. Its opposite is fear (self-protection). Its counterfeit is selfish need-affection (I'll give as long as you give to me.)

Joy-Delight appreciation of God and his salvation. Its opposite is hopelessness. Its counterfeit is a good feeling based on present blessings, not the Blesser.

Peace-Confidence and trust in God's wisdom and control of your life. Its opposite is worry. Its counterfeit is confidence in your own ability to control you life.

Patience-Suffering without resentment or retaliation. Its opposite is irritability. Its counterfeit is laziness, apathy, and indifference.

Kindness-Being generous with time, money, talents. Its opposite is coldness and miserliness. Its counterfeit is good deeds done to get something for yourself.

Goodness (integrity)-Being genuine, the same in public as in private, the same with one group as another. Its opposite is hypocrisy. Its counterfeit is insensitive "truth telling".

Faithfulness-Being dependable, following through on commitments. Its opposite is irresponsibility. Its counterfeit is half-heartedness.

Gentleness(Humility)-Being self-forgetful. Its opposite is pride (superiority feelings). Its counterfeit is self-consciousness and shyness (inferiority feelings).

Self-control-Being able to choose the important thing over the urgent out of a desire to please God. Its opposite is an uncontrolled spirit. Its counterfeit is willpower through pride.

Back to Grace

2006-11-02T12:15:00.000-08:00
This past year I've been learning so much about God's awesome Grace. It's been giving me so much hope as I see the sins in my heart caused by a lack of understanding of my position in Christ, especially those of superiority and inferiority. I was reminded recently about an article in the "Freedom is..." study we did on project (Calgary) this summer. It talks about a new self image we receive when we experience God's grace. I want to share it with you, bear with me it's kinda long, but it's worth reading....

"To the degree I am still functionally earning my worth through performance (ie. to the degree I am still functioning in works-righteousness), to that degree I will be either operating out of superiority or inferiority. Why? Because if I am saved by my works, then I can either be confident but not humble (if I am living up) or humble but not confident(if i am not living up). In other words, apart from the gospel, I will be forced to be superior or inferior or to swing back and forth or to be one way with some people and another way with others. I am continually caught between these two ways, because of the nature of my self-image.
But the Gospel creates a new self-image...It humbles me before anyone telling me I am a sinner saved only by grace. But it emboldens me before anyone, telling me I am loved and honored by the only eyes in the universe that really count. So the gospel gives a boldness and humility that do not "eat each other up", but can increase together" ("Relationships project" article)

I hope this encourages you as it has encouraged me.

A glimpse of heaven

2006-10-27T16:27:00.000-07:00
Today, as I sat in the Campus for Christ office across from Erin I caught a glimpse of heaven. I was helping her write her testimony for an event with her discipleship group, and as I listened to how God had been working in her life I couldn’t help but be filled with joy. I met Erin within the first few weeks at York and got to share the gospel with her using the four spiritual laws. I got an email from her later that week saying that she had made a decision to receive Christ as her personal Lord and Savior. I was now hearing everything prior to that decision. She grew up in an atheist family and up until this summer was completely opposed to Christianity. But she explained how God had been working to soften her heart and give her a hunger for truth. Her joy for the Lord and her passion to grow and learn is so encouraging; I was reminded of God’s grace, and the way he had been working in my life. And as I was talking to her, Cheryl came by the office and said that one of the girls in the seeker study she’s leading received Christ that week! Praise God!!! He is working in mighty ways at York!

first blurb

2006-10-26T20:02:00.000-07:00
This is my first post on my blog. I actually made my blog a few weeks ago, but couldn’t think of anything to write-shows just how exciting my life is- but it’s my last year at York, so there’ll be many changes this year, and lot’s to write about (I just hope I get around to it). It’s a little scary, this is the time I have to decide what I’m going to do for the rest of my life…okay maybe not the rest of my life but at least the next few years. I know I want to work for Campus for Christ, but I’m waiting on God to solidify that calling. In the last few years I’ve seen God use this movement to change so many lives, including my own. It’s such a privileged to be used by God as he radically transforms lives, bring people into a relationship with himself and making them grow so that they may be conformed to the likeness of Christ.